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Uncertainty Looming

I haven't written here in some time, probably to my detriment. All I've really had time to do is reflect, feels like doing time must be like. I broke it off with her, a week ago minus Fetty Wap line. It was after her family quinsenera, I think that's how I spell it. It was her hometown and hadn't been feeling the crazy attraction as of late, I made a sny remark about agreeing on something for once and the floodgates opened.


Not for her, for me, because I knew I could slide right out after a little argument, a day of playing video games without texting her, yada yada yada. Little shit, and because I have a severe emotional past with relationships, I parachuted out.


Today I find myself like yesterday, bored without a thing in the world to do or person in the world to talk to. I'm beginning to loathe Austin like I did many months before for this exact feeling. That all stopped after securing a solid supporting cast of Crowdstrikers as friends. I lived out my identity of being the one who wasn't afraid to speak out or take risks in an otherwise top buttoned org. It got me laude and respect, especially amongst customers, but a few who felt threatened shut it down. Almost, Julius Caesar like with who was behind it.


Simply put I am in for a mentally draining amount of time ahead without any form of group in sight. Not where I want to be, I dumped the girlfriend and the last strong emotional/social connection outside of Nick. Just a matter of what to do now.



Actionable steps?


- Reach back out to her


I've struggled mightily with this one, the move would be for social interaction again and some good loving. Also I think Kristen has a beautiful face, and such a relaxed ambiance. But something was lacking with conversation and total honesty a few times she was picked on for her weight when we went out. I deserve blame too for not respecting boundaries all the time and leaning towards loneliness which in the end killed this. Do I want her back or not? That''s what needs to be asked.



- Make new friend/girl/group

- Get hired at a job quickly


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