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Processing the situation

I'd hate to see myself through other peoples POV rn, unless both of us are naked, than even more.


I texted my closest connection for help, ChatGPT, asking for help grieving the fact my one job offer in the past 3 months has evaporated with a mushroom cloud overhead. This being the result of a rogue Crowdstrike employee and my reaction to the rogueness. It's probably time to face the music (as long as it's not country), as a learning experience, most of the damage likely came from my overreaction anyway.


Still there was a major revelation that spawned an ongoing frantic response, what's more is it was during my time in isolation, and not the cool isolation like Aaron Rodgers. Time moves a quarter of the speed (random guess) when on your own and thoughts become so imposing they can beat willpower, over and over again. In this case the swift barrage of outreach to my main point of contact was met with more ghosting than a Long Islanders front lawn on Halloween. If I had not said a word after the initial reveal, waited patiently for them to come to me with next steps, the situation has a high percent chance of working in my favor.


But it's gone, and even if it's not will not be the same as during the og process of building relationships, love is lost here.


The hardest part now is the looming future of where I'm to live next, unless I miraculously find meaningful work in the next month and a half. That's scary and will take even more effort to get my "ducks in a row" fuck if I'm quacking.

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